kai-jun.blogspot.com

2010-08-09T20:55:00.002+08:00

I'm here again. Currently having mixed feelings because this is the last time i have the opportunity to view fireworks from my house at 17th level. Something which i took granted for, yupps i certainly did.

o wells, new house in a month or so i guess.

i'm trying to keep faith and keep believing..

i'm.. trying... :(

2010-07-16T23:36:00.001+08:00

Everything seem to be so bleak right now.

kinda wish i could share my troubles with you dad:(

2010-03-28T11:53:00.002+08:00

this feelings sucks when i trained so hard for more than a year just to get myself injured. and nationals is in 4 days time.

and this feeling sucks when i'm so committed into this but you thought 'it was just a mistake'.

something bad will happen. I'm trying to prevent it, but your mentality is not helping. it hurts.

2010-02-27T13:07:00.002+08:00

i'm utterly disappointed with my brother.

HELLO? we're one family, now that dad has passed away, and that you're in the army, mum would definitely be worry about you but why can't you just fucking talk nicely with her during the weekends?

are you going to play your stupid games till you grow old? what is your fucking future?

i wished you dare to give me a punch so that i will give you a few more to wake you up seriously.

YOU'RE 21.

PLEASE,

WAKE UP.

2010-02-15T23:44:00.002+08:00

Emotions and sentimental values, are these so insignificant compared to materialistic desire? Why are humans so selfish, so self-centered?

everything would be different, if dad, you were around.

i really really miss you :'(

2009-12-01T23:57:00.002+08:00

It has been a year. Time seem to pass too quickly. Everything that happened has been constantly flashing back this few days. Trying to hold back tears is difficult, really difficult.

But i am happy that there is one special person who loves me a lot :)

2009-09-06T23:51:00.002+08:00

A familiar yet usual feeling while typing into this page again.
Pain, sorrow, happy, sad, angst. Somehow i came back here.

Time has been cruely ticking away and humans are the victims of it.
Appreciate, who does?

self-motivation is what i live for, today.

and im puzzled with lots of things, which my dad could answer.

but its never possible.
never.

2008-12-31T10:19:00.003+08:00

Looking back at 2008,

It started with much anticipation of the O level year and ended off with sadness and regrets.

2008 has been physically, mentally and emotionally draining for me. The O's have already drained away much energy, as i've really put my soul to it. I thought throughout this break before the release of results i could recuperate or maybe recharge myself for the upcoming year. But never did i expect that after 1 week of the last paper, my dad fell ill and for that week in the hospital, it was total hell for me. I couldn't sleep well, couldn't eat well, couldn't find myself and couldn't figure out why was everything happening on me. I thought life was unfair but i realise after much reflecting that perhaps this is what you call life and death. What is born, will die. What has been gathered will be dispersed. What has been built will collapse and what has been high will be brought low. So maybe, maybe, just maybe, this is what life is. What goes up, must come down.

2008 will be a year which i will not forget, the real hardwork i've put in to accomplish things and the loss of my Dad. The feeling of losing someone you really close to you is undescrible. A snap of a finger and gone. Without a word, but with lots of pain. I really really didn't expect to lose my dad in 2008. Perhaps everything is fated. Perhaps my future has already been carved out. It is just time, which is holding me back. Only time will tell the truth. And i must say that the truth really hurts.

2008 is also the year, i'm graduated from my alma mater. 10 years, 10 long years in a boys school. I was actually looking foward to 2008 because of this, because i'll be FREEEEEEE. But unforseen circumstances really make my 2008 dull and sad.

2008 has also brought isreal and Hamas close to war. The Si Chuan earthquake which has killed lots of people. The finacial crisis which has made lots of people lose their job and money. The inflation in singapore which has fustrated many aunties. The increase in oil prices which has irritated motorist.

Most importantly, 2008 has changed me. 2008 Has changed my perception towards life. Now i see life as fragile and unpredicable. We really don't know what will happen next. Be in our own life or the people around you. My grand uncle(i think thats what i should call in english..) has passed away on last saturday. Not only i'm sad about his death, the worst thing is i couldn't pay my last respect due to tradition as my dad has just passed away for less than 100 days. 2 love ones has left me, in 2008. So right now, the only thing i would say is, it is time to cherish and treasure everything around you. This might sound corny but it is actually a fact which everyone neglects, just like what i did, and i'm really regretting it.

As 2008 come to an end, http://kai-jun.blogspot.com/ will also come to an end. The intial purpose of blogging is for the fun of it. For the fact that everyone is doing it. But throughout this 4 years in secondary school, i've gradually change the purpose of blogging for the fun of it to sort of personal journal. That is why i don't really go around giving my link to everyone and beg them to tag or read. But anyway, this will be the last post. Maybe i'll continue to blog, at xanga or livejournal next year.

To end my post, i would like to share this song which i think a lot of people know. I think the lyrics is really meaningful and it depicts exactly what i'm feeling.

Yesterday - Leona Lewis

I just can't believe you're gone
Still waiting for morning to come
Wanna see if the sun will rise
In the way that you're by my side ooo
When we had so much in store
Tell me what is it I'm reaching for
When we're through building memories
I'll hold yesterday in my heart, in my heart

[Chorus]
They can take tomorrow and the plans we made (plans we made)
They can take the music that will never play
All the broken dreams, take everything
Just take it away but they can never have yesterday

They can take the future that we'll never know (never know)
They can take the places that we said we will go,
All the broken dreams take everything
Just take it away but they can never have yesterday

You always use to say
I should be thankful for everyday
Heaven knows what the future holds
Or least how the story goes
I never believed them til now
I know I'll see you again I'm sure
No it's not selfish to ask for more
One more night one more day
One more smile on your face
But they can't take yesterday

[Chorus]
They can take tomorrow and the plans we made (plans we made)
They take the music that will never play
All the broken dreams (oh the broken dreams),
take everything (take everything)
Just take it away, but they can never have yesterday

They can take the future that we'll never know (never know)
They can take the places that we said we will go
All the broken dreams (oh the broken dreams),
take everything (take everything)
Just take it away, but they can never have yesterday

I thought our days would last forever
But it wasnt our destiny
Cuz in my mind we had so much time
But I was so wrong
Now I can believe that
I can still find the strengh in the moments we made
I'm lookin back on yesterday

[Chorus]
They can take tomorrow and the plans we made (plans we made)
They take the music that will never play (I know)
All the broken dreams (oh the broken dreams),
take everything (take everything)
Just take it away, but they can never have yesterday (yesterday)

They can take the future that we'll never know (never know)
They can take the places that we said we will go
All the broken dreams (oh the broken dreams), take everything
Just take it away (take everything)
But they can never have yesterday

Oh the broken dreams, take everything
But they can never have yesterday

---------------

Lastly, this is the last picture i had with my father on my 16th birthday at 11 september 2008. The one and only most recent photo i had with him.

I hope that 2009 will be a better year. Currently i'm working part time as a promoter and it is sort of.. fun to a certain extend. But i get to see very gl customers and stuff. O's results is going to be out soon, and no matter how bad my result is, i hope i can squeeze into any JC and from there, real study comes in.

Till then, I'll wish everyone a very Happy New Year
Remember to Do Well In Whatever You Do, and Strive for the best!

kaijun.

2008-12-25T14:48:00.001+08:00

Merry X'mas to everyone.
But not so merry for me.

I just received the medical report on my Dad through post. This is my worst present. The letter contains one chunk of words in the middle, containing no more than probably 200 words. In the passage, it is chim to the max. Bomb-ed all the medical terms. I wah and wow alot.

A diagnosis of Severe Community Acquired Pneumonia complicated by respiratory failure, septic shock, acute renal failure and disseminated intravascular coagulation was made to my Dad. I wiki-ed 'disseminated intravascular coagulation' and i was shocked. Very shocked. Doctors didn't tell me anything about blood clot in my dad's body.

haiz.

2008-12-23T01:37:00.000+08:00

i think life is really unfair towards me.

My dad's death is a great loss to me. However, i realise that i've gain more than what i've lost. I've lost a Dad - something which is very painful, but through his death i've learnt many things. I've reflected, and i view things differently right now. It is too hard to put into words. I guess i've changed, i've really changed. My heart has changed. My opinion towards life and many little things i did before, i am going to do, and i will do in future has changed. If my dad's death is the price I have to pay to grow up, i guess i would rather not grow up. But it has happened, too soon. Never did i expect to lose a dad at 16 years old. Never. My dad was looking foward to my o's result. He was very eager to know how i did. When i tell him the paper was easy, he would tell me that 'dont be over confident la.. because you always make alot careless mistake one.. Who ask you, dont eat carrot.' Ha, the good small chats i had with him.

yesterday night i cried. I recalled the things my dad did to me to nuture me. Tears really flowed down uncontrollably. In primary school, if you have been in the same class as me, you would know that my spelling or ting xie usually always score very well. That is not because i was smart. That was because my parents 'forced' me to learn. My dad would sit in the living room and test me. When i spelled it wrongly, i get canned. Seriously, canned. Do you know why my time table(multiplication table or whatever) is so good? (max 12 x 12). Not because my maths is good. It was because my dad 'trained' me, in the hard way. He would randomly ask me ' ah jun, what is 7 times 7.... what is 8 times 6...' and at one point of time im really very irritated by this things that he did to me. I rememeber when i was primary 4, my dad brought lots of maths test paper and forced me to do. I had to do a test every day and he would mark it. I get canned for getting stupid mistakes. I really really hated him at that time. 'wah lao eh why u keep forcing me to do maths.. dam sian u know...' But during the EOY i got 93/100 for my maths. The highest i've gotten in primary school. That was primary 4. This was the reason why i liked maths. My dad imparted me the passion to solve mathematical problems. Also, everyday before i go to bed i would beg him to accompany me to sleep. In the normal size bed, i slept on the left, leaning towards the wall, and my dad on the right, so that he can get out of the bed easily once i fall asleep. During whole 15 mins or so, he sang to me, he tell me stories during his NS times, he told me his life in his younger days. Yesterday night, as i recalled the song he usually sing to me, i sang it out, and i cried, really badly.

Dad, i really miss you.
Where are you???

2008-12-13T22:29:00.003+08:00

I was suppose to be in Taiwan right now. Suppose to take the flight to Taiwan on 12.30pm. Supposingly the first time whole family out of the sg/my boundary. Suppose. Yup suppose. Suppose to be on plane for the first time.

But everything was suppose.

Even if my mum, bro and i goes on a holiday in the years to come, it won't be the same.

it won't.
sigh.

2008-12-10T11:38:00.000+08:00

Hi everyone.

I'm really really seriously very thankful for all the encouragement everyone gave during the 2 weeks of the lowest point of my life. My mobile phone was spammed with condolences sms-es and sms-es for me to stay strong for my family, in addition to the fact that i must be cautious of my health and catch up with my sleep.

Also, everyone who has came down to my father's wake. I was really really touched to see my friends/classmates and teachers to come down. The most touching was the first night of the funeral when a group of MJS 6I'04 came down. I was really really speechless when i first saw them. All the teachers who came down were amazing too, their encouragement and support was too hard to put into words.

The tags on the tagboard too! I'm surprise to see so many anonymous and passer-bys. I'm really thankful for everyone who has tagged, especially those who doesn't know me. I've got no idea how you people landed here but really really thankful for all the encouragement.

Right now, I'm feeling alright. The emptyness at home is starting to set in. There is something missing right now. Since last friday, i've been sleeping with my mum. Haha to be the truth i cannot really sleep well because of the amazing snore my mum makes. Oops, but i told her about that and she was telling me about my dad's snore and this makes them asleep because 2 snore together = no noise, so they can sleep. Interesting stuff.

But right now, my mum occasionally will break down into tears during meals or just sitting down together while watching TV. My mum has known my dad for 30 years, since she was 17. I won't be surprise how sad she is now. I only know my dad for 16 years, but for her, 30 years. Almost twice. So this is something which makes her really really sad. Sometimes she will tell me that it is all the doctor's fault. He went in, all right, but soon breathing through the machine and subsequently multiple organ failure. She blame the doctor for causing his death. I tried to explain to her that these are some things which is beyond our control, but she just took it as a pinch of salt.

The pain will definitely linger, but i will definitely move on and not let this episode of my life defeat me. I realise that through writing a short message to someone has a great impact. Mr Pang wrote to me a small message and my cousin's wife did that too. The words she wrote to me were meaningful, and it is really true. Right now, i should think of how my Dad's story can contribue to the lifes of other people. Taking time to grief is human's nature, but after this I should consolidate my feelings and look forward to the challenges ahead.

My dad's death has taught me a very very valuable lesson. For the people who reads my blog, the only thing that i would say, and i said to almost all my friends who came down to my dad's wake, is that it is seriously really time to cherish and treasure what you have right now. I said that from the bottom of my heart. Family is something everyone is taking for granted. I've lost a Dad, and technically speaking i'm having an incomplete family. So while going around with my mum to all the government association yesterday to settle my dad's stuff, i can't help but to envy those walking together as a family. That is something I've not experience for a long time. I remember when i was young my dad would usually drive around to different shopping malls every weekend and my brother and I would keep annoying my parents buy lego for us. Up till about primary 4, I started to have the feeling of 'paiseh'. I don't know why, but i feel awkward when my friends meets my family. I don't know why i have that feeling. So as time goes by, the time spend together as a family starts to reduce because of all the problems the world is facing and stuff. Economy going bad and my dad's job as a property agent seems to have no more customers. Instead of staying at home idling, my Dad realise that it was just a waste of time. So he took up the job of a taxi driver in addition to his job as a property agent. This would probably earn more income to provide for the family and of course, keep him occupied i guess. So all this greatly reduce the time spend as a family together, and i've really regreted it. My dad's doesn't drive on sunday, so he always goes out with my mum and label it as 'dating' or 'pat-tor'. Sometimes he would ask me to tag along but i'll just turn it down because at that point of time computer was more important than anything else. So right now, i guess priority goes to my Mum. I've made a vow infront of my dad when he was lying in the ICU with a monotone beep from the machine, with all the tubes already unplugged, that i'll take good care of mum. So this is something i'll live for. I used to dislike going out with parents because sometimes the action they do is really 'omg man'. But right now, i dont care. Whatever it is, when my mum wants accompany to somewhere, i'll just tag along. I can choose what friends i make, i can choose what girlfriend i want. But i can't choose what mum i can have. Right now, the only goal in my life, besides achiving good results next year in JC (for which i believe i will), is that i must make my mum happy. That is the only thing i hope i can achieve. Who knows, she probably could live another 30 or 40 years, and this period of time for her is the most lonely one, because she has lost a emotional support. Right now i'm quite determined of my future stuff. For eg, if my girlfriend dislike my mum or something, she will be gone. I'll probably find someone who can get along with me as well as with my mum. I only left one parent, and the most important parent. The only thing i could do now is the provide her the best. The best. In future, i'll be a good Dad. The best Dad i'll be for my children. Because through this, i realise that Daddy is a person who makes a big impact of our lifes. They express their love differently, and i never thought of that till while i was sitting outside the ICU for a week. I reflected. I reflected.

Although my dad has passed away, he will definitely live in my heart forever.

Right now, i've a burning and puzzling question. Did the doctors make any mistakes while doing the scope in his stomach?????? My mum told me that the indian doctor was taking occasional stare at my mum when we went in to see him before the scope had taken place. My mum told me that he looked guilty-like. I'm waiting for the full detailed medical report that will be received probably a month later. Another thing is that, did the doctors cut my dad up for autopsy??? If so...... i've got nothing to say. My dad live such a wonderful life, as a good father, good emotional suporter, and definitely a good husband. But he suffered so much before his death, and the most painful thing is that i could speak to him, talk to him, touch him, see him, but he couldn't reply. That is the most painful thing. The pain will defnitely linger, no matter what. It is just like when someone nail a nail into the wall using a hammer. It is easy to nail it in, just like how easy pain can be encrypted inside someone. But it takes much difficulty to take it out, just like how difficult pain can be removed. But after this whole process, the wall still has a hole. Just like how the pain would linger around me for the rest of my life.

After reading all this, the only message i wanted to convey is that, start treasuring your family. I've learnt this through a very hard lesson, and i hope that my dear friends reading this will not experience the same thing i had, and the regrets i had. The pain that i'm having now cannot be felt by anyone, unless you've lost someone really close to you. But for those people who has terminal illness or die of ripe old age, i told the people that they are lucky. Because before their death, they could probably speak to their love ones, telling them how they feel, and telling them their last wishes.

But for my Dad's case, it was too sudden.
He didn't had a chance to speak.

2008-12-05T19:30:00.002+08:00

My dad has been cremated today. The process of my dad's coffin entering the cremation place was painful. I cried, really badly.

All it has left were bones. Shattered bones. This is the first time I've seen human bone. And it is my dad's bone. I touched it. It is hard. Very rough. I managed to indentify his rib cage bones. Some were greenish. It looks like its the bacteria. Amazing. Surprising. Or what? I dont know.

I'm tired.

2008-12-01T18:07:00.002+08:00

Dad, Please Rest In Peace. I will be strong for my mum and my brother. I will get into a junior college no matter what my o level result is. I will fullfill your wish of me attending officer course in NS and graduating from University. I will, i will definitely will.

rest in peace, dad.
i love you.

2008-11-29T20:36:00.003+08:00

Im having a bad headache now. I can't afford to fall sick. Please, please dont let me fall sick.

I have to go to the hospital later on. This is the 6th day of my new life, 6th day not talking to my Dad, 6th day not sleeping at home throughout the night.

I hope i could be strong. Please dad, hang on.

2008-11-28T12:56:00.001+08:00

On the fifth day of my new life, i was awaken at 4.30am by some inconsiderate couple talking just a few footsteps away from the green squarish hard couch i was sleeping on. I tried to carry on sleeping and on 5.30am or so 2 wonderful ladies came infront of me and talk. I was like.... errr..... but its okay. Life sucks. Thats about it. Then i tried to sleep again. At a few more minutes to 7am one group of nurses rushed in, and their heels are producing wonderful vibrations to the air mass. My head felt heavy. Nevermind, dont want to sleep already.

I talked to the doctor today at around 9.40am and she said my Dad's condition is still the same. Not much improvement. Still can't urinate and still requiring high level of oxygen. Mum broke down again. Doctor said take one step at a time. I took a step, and nearly trip and fall. I don't know what to do. Really.

The usual routines are getting mudane. I don't have a choice. I have to be there.
I guess life is unfair. I thought i could enjoy my holiday. I thought. Yes i shouldn't have thought of that.

(edit 4.18pm)
I just received a call. My mum said my father can't take in oxygen. Now they increased it to 100%. Im now going to rush down. DAD, PLEASE PLEASE HANG ON. PLEASE, I BEG YOU. PLEASE.

plz............................

2008-11-27T13:20:00.001+08:00

On the forth day of my new life, i got awaken by the laughters of the nurses. In addition to the wierd stuff that the cleaners and nurses are pushing around. Very noisy. At 8.50am or so i saw all the doctors who attends to my dad rushing into the ICU. I was scared. The rapid footsteps is terrifying. I held my hands together and really hoped that my father is alright. Every seconds was draining. Minutes were like hours and hours were like days. About exactly an hour later, the doctor spoke to me.

She smiled. She said that his condition is getting slighly better. Only a tiny bit. Comparing to the first day he was warded, there was only a small improvement. His life is still in danger. He is under medication to keep his Blood Pressure(BP) at normal. His BP is too low. He still has to undergo dialysis and breathing through the machine. But something a little good is that the doctors are providing him with 75% of oxygen, slighly lower than the 100% when he was first warded. We are breathing in 21% of oxygen, so 75% still means in critical condition. Nevertheless, this is still improvement.

His limbs are swelled up. In fact, the whole body. Doctor reassured me that it is normal and the swell will subside once he recovers. I'm still worried. Still scared. Yesterday night i asked the doctor that was on shift: 'seriously, how long is he going to take?'. He said the fastest is between 10 to 14days. It could be even longer. But this period of time is only the time take to get out of ICU. After that in the normal ward he still has to undergo lots of stuff and he might need to go rehabilitation because he would be in the bed for too long and his muscles are not working. I opened my mouth and stared at him blankly.

My taiwan trip next month has been cancelled. For the first time, i thought i'm going to sit on plane. Going to overseas(besides malaysia) together as a family. Even if my Dad recovers by that time, i wouldn't allow him to go because he would be too weak. The trip is cancelled. I believe, that we will have the chance to travel together again. We must.

This is the lowest point of my life.

Edit(6.21pm)
My dad has exactly the same symptoms as what it is describe in wiki. Fever, cough, develop sweaty and clammy skin. 'People with infectious pneumonia often have a cough producing greenish or yellow sputum, or phlegm and a high fever that may be accompanied by shaking chills.'

Very true, and exact.
If you want, you can read up here.

Off to the hospital now.

2008-11-26T20:12:00.002+08:00

My life has changed. On the third day of my new life, which is today, the doctor told me that my dad's condition is slightly much better. Only very slight improvement. He required lesser oxygen than the previous day. In the air, we are breathing in 21% of oxygen. In the breathing device inserted throught the throat of my dad, it contains 90% of oxygen. But she said that his condition has improved very very little and can be considered as a good sign. But she kept emphasising the fact that my dad's is still in a critical condtion and his life is very much in a danger now.

In the meeting with her in a small room, i'm very worried that the antibiotic will have a disastrous side effect to my dad. I also asked about the specific baterica, whether they have sucessfully grown it. She said they were unable to grow, which makes me very very worried on the 4 bloody strong antibiotic that is given to my dad. I'm very very afraid that after my dad recover, his kidney would not function and has to undergo dialysis regularly. If this is the case i really don't know what is going to happen to me. She tried to change the subject and kept insisting the utmost importance now is to save his life, yes true, but in my mind i thought..... ok nevermind i dont wish to talk about it.

I was outside ICU for the whole night, popping in to see my dad occasionally. I stared at him, looked at the rhythm of his chest which is the same as the sound of the machine. Beep... Beep... Beep... Beep.. I told him to be strong. I don't know if he could hear it. Tomorrow i'm going to talk to him again. He always tell me that life is like a game. Just get the hang of it and win it, and then you will be successfull in life.. Similiarly, tomorrow i'm going to tell him that right now he is playing a game, and this concerns life and death. He must win all the stupid bacteria in his lungs so that he can recover.

I asked the doctor how long will he take. She said perhaps 10 to 14 days. It might be even longer. My heart sank.

My life has already changed, drastically.

For the past 2 days, i sat outside the ICU, staring into blank space reflecting. I didn't listen to any songs and didn't even have the mood to play anything. I stared at the clock, looking at the second hand moving every second. Every movement means that my dad is a second longer in the ICU and a second longer fighting for his life. The whole night i was very worried. I was alone. I persuaded my mum to go home because she hasn't sleep well for a long time. Right now she forced me to go home, because i've been there for 2 nights. I'll be there in the hospital by 8am tomorrow.

Please hang on there, Dad.

(Edit 9.02pm)
I think im going to the hospital now. My mum just called and she sounded loney.
If anyone of you is reading this, please help me to pray for my Dad.

thank you.

2008-11-25T17:01:00.000+08:00

I seriously dont know how to start this post.

My Dad has been warded in hospital yesterday afternoon, and i thought it was just another cough and fever. But it wasn't. He had a very bad lung infection. By the time he was admitted, his whole lung was being infected. After i received my mum's call at 5pm, my heart sank. Why is this happening to me. Why?

My aunt fetched my beother, me and my mum to hospital immediately and when we reached there, the nurse didn't wanted us to enter. She said 'we are trying very hard to save him, he is currently in critical condition. His life is in danger.' As we were outside waiting, my mum broke down into tears. As i heard the cries, my wild thoughts suddenly flashed at the back of my mind. What if my Dad is dead? What will happen if i have no father? What is going to happen to me? What is going to happen to my family? What is going to happen to my world? He recently just celebrated his 50th birthday on 3rd November and he is only 50 years old. Why is this happening to him? He is a strong man. He doesn't fell sick. Why is it that once he fall sick everything will turn out so badly? I had a long talk with the doctor yesterday and he gave me a lucid account of my father's condition. Apparently he had a lung infection and this (virus or bacteria they havent confirm) is air borne. So my dad probably got infected by a infected person. I kept asking the chances of survival. The way the different doctors phrase it have proved to me that my dad's condition is really very bad. This morning i met the senior consultant of the don't know what shit doctor but i know she is just the very big shit there and she told me that 'you have to be mentally prepared.' My world nearly came to an end at that moment. For the first time, i cried. I cried hard. I cried for 20minutes. My eyes were swollen. My cheeks were numb. I don't know what is going to happen to me.

At 8.20pm yesterday, we were allowed to enter my dad's ICU. When i saw him, my heart was really broken.(im sorry i have limited vocab and i really dont know what expression to use to express my sadness and pain). A tube was inserted throught his mouth down his throat to his lungs at the bronchus and both of his hands were tied to the side of the bed because the nurse told me that apparently my dad fought back at the nurse when they wanted to insert the tube. As i looked at him, he breathed very very heavily. His lungs went up high and went down again. Went up high. and went down again. Went up high, and went down again. His head is moving from left to right right to left and he seemed very very uncomfortable. Im really heart broken. Why is this happening to me. WHY???? WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME?

Later at 11.20pm or so i went in again. It was a relief. He was very much calmer now and he has to be injected the dont know what to let him sleep. Sorry my mind isnt functioning well now. This is because they wanted him to rest and of course, with the tube in place he would naturally want to breathe himself and thus fight witth the machine. Thats is why they put him to sleep, said the doctor. I was really elated to see my dad much stable at that time. My aunts and uncles came down immediately and they chanted their own prayers.

I stayed in the hospital the whole night but i couldn't sleep. The green hard squarish couch was uncomfortable and the occasional noise from the movement of nurses and doctors make me worry. The opening door of the icu also kept me awake. I think i fell asleep at 3.30am and woke up at around 4.55am. During the whole night i reflected on my life. Bad things that i've did to my Dad, and good things i've did to him. The only conclusion i drew out from the whole night is Cherish what you have. Don't care if your parents nag at you scold you, beat you, or whatsnot. Just cherish their existance and treasure the times with them. You'll never know what will happen the next minute.

This morning at 7.01am the doctor came to speak to me. The infection has spreaded to his kidneys and he has to undergo dialysis to clear the toxic materials in his body. They gave him 3 litres of water but he had minimal urine. He also said that my dad's liver is failing. His condition is getting bad.

I really don't know what is going to happen to me.
The only thing i can do now is to pray, praying that he will have the will power to fight the bacteria or virus. Doctors have given him 4 types of antiboitic, one of which is bloody shit strong and used to fight diseases such as sars. For now, only time will tell if he can heal.

For now, the only thing i hope is that you can pray for my dad.

Dad, I've never said this before, but I wanna say that I Love You.

2008-11-21T22:49:00.000+08:00

The past few days have been eventful. I'm out almost everyday after o's. Today was suppose to play tennis but i'm down with a fever. I'm feeling quite bad now because my whole head seems to be very heavy. Slept like a log for the whole day and im now having block nose. Argh irritating. Meeting new people is cool, yo.

chess competition for the next 2 days. AHH individual some more.

After this week my life is pretty much more free already. Finally can stick back to my routines and probably going to pick up reading. I've got to improve on my languages to meet the challenges of the globalisating world. (sounds like ss). Bilinigualism right...

ok my block nose is getting from bad to worst.

2008-11-17T00:16:00.001+08:00

(PHOTO CREDITS: JUSTIN!!!!!!)

10 years in montfort. I've changed, a lot.

2008-11-13T11:59:00.000+08:00

OMG...

-AFTER LINING UP AT THE FOYER FOR 18 TIMES
-AFTER ENTERING THE HALL FOR 18 TIMES
-AFTER WONDERFUL HEARTWARMING PRAYERS SAID BY DIFFERENT TEACHERS FOR 18 TIMES.
-AFTER LISTENING TO THE CPE SAYING 'CANDIDATES ARE NOT ALLOWED TO BRING IN ANY UNAUTHORISE MATERIALS, HANDPHONE, PAGERS AND ANY DEVICES CAPABLE OF STORING ANY VISUAL AND VERBAL INFORMATION. YOU ARE WARN THAT IF ANY OF THESES DEVICES ARE FOUND IN YOUR POSSESSION, YOU WILL BE DEEMED AS CHEATING. IF YOU NOW HAVE ANY OF THESE UNAUTHORISED MATERIALS, PLEASE PUT THEM AT THE FRONT, BACK, OR SIDE OF THE HALL. PLEASE NOTE THAT THE TIME ALLOCATED WILL BE STRICTLY FOLLOWED, NO EXTRA TIME WILL BE GIVEN.' FOR 18 TIMES. (dont ask me how i remember this... i dont know why but i could somehow recalled hahahaha)
-AFTER HEARING THE CPE SAYING 'YOU MAY BEGIN...' FOR 18 TIMES.
-AFTER HEARING THE CPE SAYING 'YOU HAVE FIFTH-TEEEEEEN(i realise that she always emphasise this word which irritates me quite abit) MORE MINUTES' FOR 18 TIMES.
-AFTER HEARING THE CPE SAYING 'TIMES UP, PLEASE PUT DOWN ALL UR PENS' FOR 18 TIMES
-AFTER HEARING THE CPE SAYING 'YOU ARE DISMISSIED' FOR 18 TIMES.
-AFTER GOING IN AND OUT OF THE HALL FOR 18 TIMES.
-AFTER 25 DAYS.

O Level is over.
shiok man.

although it ended off today very badly... with free flow of mistakes for the bio mcq, its pretty alright for me because i've more or less given up for it. I should have dropped it long ago but aiya its over and dont wanna think of it anymore.

Today was shiok man. I think it is the best day of my whole year. O levels ended today and i went to have a hair cut and then pool, then high tea treat by eng teacher, then LAN WITH CLASSMATES... thats bloody shiok i tell you. The whole lan was quite quiet before we came.. and after we came in, playing CS, we were screaming and shouting and lol the same BOOM BOOM BOOM sound coming from 10+ speakers did contribute to the sound pollution too. Dam shiok lah. I was sort of on form. hahaha shiok shiok. first time top fragger.

neways im feeling very very shag now. 5.5hrs of sleep last night made me deprived of rest. Now o's are over, the first post exam activity i have is to pack up my room. 9 sub books + notes all mixed together. Like rojak + laksa + chinese tea. (ok this is random) but yeah you get my point.

Im going to have at lease 9 hours of sleep everyday in this break. Need to hibernate ah, this whole month deprived of sleep very jialat. The feeling of me going to sleep but i know at that time there are still people mugging their life off the books makes me.... feel worried and that stopped me from sleeping and continue studying. But aiya o levels is about the average, and doing better than the average. I really hope for an A1 for chem. Thats the only subject i studied the hardest and hopefully my hardwork can pay off. Yeh, hopefully.

I seriously can't wait for graduation night tomorrow. Hopefully it will be coolzx shitzzzzz!!!!!

2008-11-12T18:27:00.000+08:00

uh today reality hit me hard.
Last minute work. Last minute. Why am i always a last minute person. If not for the last minute i wouldn't even have the little tiny motivation to get things done. I need a change. I need obama. oops. But urgh yesterday i chiong my senior's Chem TYS like one dog and realise that i haven't touch my own fys at like... 11pm? I started doing the whole book by then and completed everything by 3.30am. I woke up at 6.30am, feeling wierd and went into the hall with pretty high hopes but in the end..... sigh. I changed 2 question from the right answer to the wrong. And there were a few other stupid mistakes too. Even though this is the first time i got such score for mcq, im not really satisified with it because when you know everyone around you are making like 1 or 2 mistakes you will realise that your A1 is flying away because of the bell curve.

reached home, slept from 11pm to 1pm+ and then from 3pm to 5pm. Im feeling very wierd right now. Its 6.30pm now and i haven't touched BIO. Acctually i lost the drive in studying for it already but since its the last paper i shall touch you one last time Mr bio, and thats it. No more bio, no more of memorising you. hehe.

ok now gotta read the whole textbook.

2008-11-06T23:57:00.000+08:00

this 3 weeks have certainly been a rollercoaster for me, everyday filled with mix emotions of excitement and nervousness. The most fearful written paper was BIO, which was rather okay paper but had lots of mistakes. But the thing which piss me off big time is the contents that weren't being tested. E.g I studied menstrual cycle for MYE, PRELIM AND O LEVELS and in the end not tested in a single bit of it. And many more stuff. But.. it was definitely a big relief.

After this 3 weeks i've realise that acctually o's ain't that difficult. If you really prepared the paper shouldn't be a challenge for you. I just realised that today. Yeh today. I asked my friends from other schools about the Human paper today. And their response? 'Great, studied all come out.' / 'very easy'/ 'ok la very standard'. For me? '.....' nothing to say.

But its the matter of how much you prepared lah seriously. Its really true that you reap what you sow. I didn't reap much seriously, so i don't really expect myself to score in either humanities i have. CH was a complete disaster and Geog... well... leaving it to the bell curve.

chinese was.... satisfactory.

Anyway all written papers are over, which is a huge huge phew. Now for the 3 MCQs, huat ah! sharpen your pencils dudes!

2008-11-05T00:13:00.002+08:00

in 7 hrs 47mins more i'll be in the school hall sitting for CL p1, which i ain't prepared at all. I wasted my whole day today :(

only touched first chp of tourism, and didn't read much of chinese stuff.
no comp for tomorrow. seriously. I've been telling this to myself but i've switched on it everyday, during this whole exam period.

argh facebook fault.
aiya its true we always blame each other for all wrong things or bad things that happens.
sleeping soon, i hope.

i'm still talking to quite a few people in msn. wah die man. but nvm, maybe i get inspiration from the chats and maybe i can bomb everything tmr. wah hoo.

2008-11-03T00:29:00.002+08:00

uh oh its 12.27am according to my comp's clock and i'm.. erm... acctually not done with a single theme for ss. I dont know why but i suddenly find combined humanities daunting and dreadful. Can't seem to drill propagandas in my head but uh for now im doing for the sake of getting over it. 15 more hours to SS liberation. Can't wait. Then i'll have no more ties with source base questions.

for now, im off to conflict.

BAMM i not happy with you you not happy with me lets wack.
then later try to manage the problem.

sigh.

2008-10-30T16:55:00.002+08:00

10 papers are over.
i have 8 more to go.

man o's are really draggy, but it is kind of good for people like me who does last minute revisions haha but eh theres no break for bio, which is tomorrow, So i'll most probably screw it up.

physics was owning.
maths was good.

good and bad.

2008-10-28T22:43:00.003+08:00

history is badly done. One essay buang. when i have the MODEL ESSAY. haha cool sia.
neways its over and no more history! good stuff.

now for physics.. and im just starting...
oh crap.

2008-10-27T20:51:00.001+08:00

i only studied 2 chapters.... just hoping that it will come out.
very demoralised now :(

2008-10-27T15:04:00.002+08:00

currently trying to squeeze 2 years worth of history syllabus into my tiny brain. Im now stuck at stalin's reforms, which i know its 5 yrs plan and collectiviztion but there are so many tiny details to talk about and so many possible questions to ask.

Lets see.... i still have 3 or 4 more chps to go.

good luck. Im left with 23 hours. i will spend 8 hrs on it sleeping. Hopefully the rest on history.

yeah hopefully.
this is because i wasted my whole weekend.
uh no.

and taking breaks are cool shitz yo! Can really remember after a break.
yup a kit kat.

2008-10-25T23:58:00.001+08:00

wahoo.
this week starting off pretty smoothly with lots of good luck sms-es. It is indeed heartwarming to receive such messages... and of course with the affirmation and prayers by the teachers before each papers.. it is really motivating to know that everyone is there for you and has high hopes for you.

the first week of doughnut level has passed! man time really flies i tell you. everyday routine seems to be so fun. accept english paper which ended at 6.40pm.. it was draining... and it wasn't that smooth sailing... im not sure whether i'll do well for it or not... but i know i've given my best so yeah! Chemistry, the first paper, was beyond a blast. One of the most worried paper, and one of the most well-ly done paper i guess. Very satisified with all the hardwork. It really did pay off. Im really thankful that no salts and minimal QA came out.

A maths paper 1 was ownage because i got owned by the prowess of their english languange. Sigh, but i did a make up in paper 2, which was great. I dont know how did i manage to do it but in the hall i suddenly felt helpless when i can't do the question, but i closed my eyes, told myself that i could do it and i must do it.. and it suddenly seems like i've got da power! Then i really tried various methods and TADA ! :O i ddidn't know how did i do it.. but it felt great.. seriously. I hope that such determination in me could last throughout the whole exam. Maths paper 1 was satisifactory too, only that the increase in 300% was gay.

da most disappointing was geography. I dont know why but my mind seems to be blank during the paper. Overall it was okay its just that i dont seem to be confident in my answers. After the paper i didn't know that i didnt know so many things. I will remember for life that erosion of coast includes hydraulic action, attrition, corrasion.... ok nevermind. Overall it was not well done. I guess thats because complacency set-ed in. So for now i'm going to study really hard for human geog and hopefully i can score full marks for it. No joke. Im going to study all 4 topics. I dont want to do a development question with tourism in it and a industry question containing food. That sounded ironic but whatever lah hybrid questions are gay man. The feeling is just like you doing a globalisation on ss paper for part A and part b come out sri lanka... -.- its not possible but you should get my drive.... sigh nevermind life sucks anyway.

Next week its kind of killer for me. History on tues, phy on wed, maths 2 on thurs and BIO on friday, for which im going to start history full swing chiong tomrrow, phy do during breaks, and bio... im going to give up. I can't take the workload and the amout of content lah.. In addition to the inregular revision of bio.. i dont think i can even scrape pass a B. I just hope for a pass... seriously... this would be the most disappointing subject in my cert but its okay, life experience. haha. 9 subjects is really stressful... at this point of time when all the content is waiting for you to eat them up.. oh my gosh you get bloated up, swell, becomes turgid and burst! babooom.

for now i just hope that everyone is doing well, and remember to strive for the best! :)

2008-10-19T20:37:00.002+08:00

good luck to all taking donut level!!!!!

its time to wack the donut, at 2.30pm tmr.

yum yum.

2008-10-19T01:45:00.000+08:00

worried and worrying.

2008-10-15T23:13:00.000+08:00

officially last day of lessons!!!!

5 days left... are you ready!?

tomorrow is full swing chem.

my (AS GOOD AS NEW) tb + guide book + notes + 5 yrs series + 10 yrs series + 10 year o level papers.

huat ah!!!!!

2008-10-13T16:56:00.002+08:00

for the first time in 10 years i sang the school song at the top of my voice.
and i almost cried while i was singing.

there is this choking feeling on my throat.

2008-10-09T19:58:00.001+08:00

was feeling very troubled this few days by some arrogant idiots, until i chance upon this joke a few minutes ago...

Five tips for a woman....

1. It is important that a man helps you around the house and has a job.

2. It is important that a man makes you laugh.

3. It is important to find a man you can count on and doesn’t lie to you.

4. It is important that a man loves you and spoils you.

5. It is important that these four men don’t know each other.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

2008-10-06T22:45:00.001+08:00

as i walked home from tuition today i suddenly went into deep thoughts about certain things which are occuring to me. These 2 phrases suddenly came into my mind as i woke up into my senses.

强中自有强中手

一山海还比一山高

well i probably dont stand a chance.... because there are too many people out there who are much better than me in very aspect. :(

2 weeks to donut level.

There are 3 things on my mind now:
what can i do?
what could i do?
what should i do?
....
and and and
what must i do!!!!!

Look at my life now:
monday, tues, wed, friday, saturday, sunday = tuition.

i hope it is worth it.

2008-10-03T23:14:00.004+08:00

fridays are such a long day. 3 and a half hours of tuition at night. Draining.. very draining.. But it has been very productive..

anyway i've been getting irritated by people who ask too much about the obvious... i know you know what is 1 + 2 but you purposely ask me what is 2 + 1... which is... very -.-
and whenever i see person i will be like :O is that really you or something... because you are really 2 different self.

i am very very very tired now.
everything on organic chem this weekend.

random stuff:
1) i saw a cat vomit on my way to school... which was :O because it produced sound like AHHHHHHH then the thing come out omg sick.
2) on the way to school today i saw a a pool of redish noodle covered with mucus and some white substance on the floor... which... was... omg -.-
3) last month i saw 2 cats fighting on my void deck... it was dam cool lah.. all the furs on the floor.. and they were screeching man.. i can't differentiate whether they are reproducing or fighting. sorry.
4) recently i've been encountering flatten birds on the carpark near my void deck on my way to school... which is dam sick and gross... the car probably went over it... and there is once i saw its intestine on like 1m away.. and it looks like the pig intestine.. wah lao -.-

2008-10-01T23:37:00.002+08:00

its a well needed holiday... seriously.... yesterday night was great... the breeze coming from the window was perfect for my sleep.. and this morning i could toss and turn at my bed, lazing around without worrying about over sleeping... wow it has been very long time since i had that feeling.. very shiok i must say.

8 hours of electrolysis. It was great. I think i know everything about electrolysis. So fun. so cool. chemistry suddenly become so fun. whoo. But physics ain't cooperating with me. uh no.

eh i still got a pile of homework... -_-

2008-09-28T23:52:00.003+08:00

3 people changed drastically. Quite surprising. Don't know why either. If that is the case so be it. I said before i dont please anyone and i don't need anyone to please me.

on a brighter note this week have be great. Learnt lots of lots of stuff and been doing the endless homework which is very fun because i get to see what other school standards are. I do get demoralise when i get owned by the question but when explaination comes then i will 'ORH..... is like that one ah'.

haha and i finally found electrolysis fun.
the n theory pwns.

2008-09-24T23:44:00.001+08:00

Not at home for 15 hours today. 7am till 10pm. Draining stuff.

Study, tuition, study.
But its good, and fun.

but i got a lot incomplete work ahhhhhhhhh

2008-09-22T22:28:00.001+08:00

what a draining day.
but it was fun.

2008-09-19T23:57:00.002+08:00

eh certain things are very obvious. Its just that... i pretend not to know. seriously.

Im trying to stop my old self from taking over me. Just... trying to control myself. Friends, haha friends. Who are seriously my friends? i dont know. I don't wanna know either. Some people really have different self infront of different people, and i dont need anyone to please me. Similiarly, i don't please anyone. Its really scary all this while the person beside you seem to be your best friend but deep down he is just trying to get to know more about what the things one is interested in and after making use of me you dump me at one side and treat me like a stranger. You will get your dessert in the desert.

Results have been disappointing and disappointing. Both maths was a disaster. Sigh, complacency. I know. Im starting from the basics.

I have 2 sets of A & E maths p1 and 2, one physcis paper(1 and 2), one chem paper(1 and 2) and one pure geog paper (1 and 2) to be completed this weekend. This is so egggggciting and im going to complete everything. Which means technically i have 14 papers (if you know how to count theres 8 from maths already) to do and it worth 26.5 exam hours.

so funnnnn man!!!!!
31 days to chem p2. Are you ready?

2008-09-18T16:37:00.001+08:00

I have 9 subjects.
some did improve.. by 2 or 1 grade.
Some dipped.. by 2 or 3 grades.
overall: deprove

After getting back maths paper 1 today my whole world suddenly had a 10.0 earthquake measured on a ritcher scale and there is tsunami, landslide, fire, loss of life, collapse of infastructure, and negative impact on economy(my brain). (omg i remembered all my geog stuff!) Seriously, it really shook me hard and as i walked home i really did reflected on the things i did and the things i didn't do, and of course, the things that i should do in order to achieve my target. I'm.. very very disappointed with my results acctually. All time low maths results since Sec 1. Beat that man. The devil in my sub conscious have been really kind in consoling me nah its just prelim but the angels have been scolding and blaming me for not working hard and not having the self discipline. I guess i really have to learn the hard way, as quoted my chinese teacher. I know i disappoint her alot, i've been writing the same wrong word again and again in my compo and because of this she took 1 mark off me and i got 69 instead if 70 and there goes my a2 and wow i saw a shooting star in my l1r5.

I just did a to-do-list and pasted it infront of my table. No details, suckers. But im going to work very hard to achieve my goals. Yay for the night study, got to really mug hard and go there to ask questions. Really really need to focus. I cannot lose out to anyone. I mean, i cannot lose out to myself. While i was walking i suddenly thought that imagine i scored shit results for o's and what will happen to me. What will my future be? Is my future bleak? or a bright future still if i work hard? but if i work hard will i be able to sustain it? Or is it just another procastination? I don't want the feeling to happen again just like what i felt after i got my psle result. It was horrendous.

and i really mean it.

got alot things to catch up.
And i am beginning things with the end in mind.

to start things off,
i finally believe in practicing.

im going back to the basics.
anyone wanna join me?

2008-09-16T23:08:00.001+08:00

prelims over. Prepared for the worst. :(

and wow i was like :O when i saw something.
Its really true that we should never judge the book by its cover... It was totally... :O :O :O.

:O

2008-09-13T23:59:00.000+08:00

I heared the books calling me, yet i can't bring myself to open them. If i did, i can't seem to concentrate.

no more comp till next friday.

2008-09-12T23:59:00.000+08:00

today was a bad day on a whole.
chem prelim really did shake me inside out.
i realise that im not even prepared.

When i stepped out of school, it started to drizzle. It wasn't the oridinary drizzle. It was wierd. Big droplets of water falling at varying frequency. It could be god was crying because of the disappointment in me, and it could be god was too touched by how well others did. I crossed the road as im being drenched by the heavy water droplets. As i walked, it stopped drizzling. I looked up, and a drop of water hit my specs. That was a wake up call.

I realise that i've been repeating over and over again that i need to work hard i need to work hard but at the end of the day i'm still not focus enough to get things done. I dont know why but if my l1r5 this time round shoot up like a rocket im going to isloate myself everyday in my room after school and study. 1 month of no life. I guess its worth it. I can't imagine myself talking the scripts back from the teachers.. their disapointment... okay maybe some didn't had high hope on me.. on the whole i let myself down. Yeh its true, at the end of the day you need to beat yourself, not anyone. At 20th October i want to walk to school confidently and sit down at the foyer with a calm heart instead of mad rush crapping and being worried on the stuff that im not sure. I want to be prepared. I don't want to be in the situation right now where i wake up at 5am flipping my textbook and cramming what that is possibly coming out. History did kicked my butt telling me that its time to study.

btw i've been imaging what the scene will be like if january next year my name is called out as a top student. should i be :O or :) or :D or cry? I think i will be crying. Seriously. And i'm going to hug all my teachers who have taught me.

we reap what we sow, right?

and to gets things started,
im going to attack you
chemistry!

I choose you! go kaijun!!
tackle that monster chem!

2008-09-11T19:35:00.000+08:00

prelims so far have been... rather... not so good. today's A maths was :( because i misinterpreted then qns. sigh. Then careless here and there.. uhm hum -_- physics p1 was.. i did quite a few qns before and i got it wrong again omg nice one!

neways really thankful to all those to wished me a happy birthday, personally, from facebook, msn, friendster and any other possible means! Its really really pleasing. happy happy.

eh did you hear something?????
yeah right now!!!!

i heard my books calling me!!!

2008-09-10T17:21:00.001+08:00

what can i say?
complacency kills.
really.

was really really complacent about maths p1 and argh got screwed by it... I think its the lack of practice i had with myself. I thought all the papers i did was enough, yeah i thought. But the problem is that.. i wasn't prepared because i didn't really revise through anything besides some help by bowl soil(oops) with the different graphs and sets(which didn't come out) &&& construction, which i screwed also -.- and i spent my time till 1am+ on geog man. Quite worried with the diagrams... 5 marks i draw 3 box with powederful drawings(well do you get my drive) on it and just 3 or 4 lines of explanation.. uh uh uh

nevermind.

history was even better. 'You may begin'. Flipped to the last page, scheme through.. and.... 'oh shit'. -.- I only study one chapter... and it didn't come out. Nice one babeh. Both my essays were half a page long filled with crap.. Well its time to invest time on history. Got sufficient notes & resources from :) and its time to make full use of it. Must get some good stuff from o's.

Neways this few days was having mad rush in the night and early in the morning. Mad rushhhhh 'all 4e/5n students please report to the foyer for attendance taking...' ahhhhhhh have been sleeping at 1am/2am and waking up at 6am. Today was great. Set my alarm at 4.58 and woke up at 5pm and started flipping through physics... which was quite badly done. I've disappointed alot people leh omggggg physics... im going to invest lots of time on you. Alot, yes alot. A and a lot. A lot. Alot ok nevermind.

A maths and phy p1 tmr. NO MORE COMPLACENCY.
GO GO GO.
'roger that.'

oh yes today i made a champion reply.
to me: .....this phy book quite hard right...
me: EH HARD MEH... (knocks it) NO LEH NOT HARD.

they was -.- and -_- and i was HAHAHA-ing.
its fun to be lame. It cracks people up.
no not literally.

2008-09-08T20:01:00.001+08:00

A BIG RELIEF.

PHEW.

2008-09-07T15:27:00.000+08:00

This is the 50m mark.

16 sept is the 60m mark

20oct is the 80m mark.

13nov is the 100m mark!!!!

and i am exhausted now.
omg to tmr bio and geog paper.

2008-09-04T23:59:00.002+08:00

3 more days.

I haven't touch geog that is on monday and tuesday. Bio is also on monday and im not even half way, but its getting fun but haven't really grasp hold of it. Today i got enlightened on a few stuff which is very pleasing. argh i need to concentrate.

Going to school in the holiday is fun. In the noon it is very peaceful and i can concentrate well. I realise that i cannot study at home because of distraction. Seriously. And it is getting worrying. I guess i have to go to my new secret hideout after prelims somewhere to prepare for o's. Hope that there will be interesting peeps there. But from past encounters by others it seem good and bad. We shall see. No wait, I shall see. No, i will see. whatever.

but.. im worried that... :(

2008-09-02T21:02:00.002+08:00

certainly had a great swim in sengkang swimming complex!!! The slides are kick ass fun. But the bone near my butt is very pain now because i was sitting on the slide as i slide down instead of lying. And you know pressure = force over area so yeah the bone was literally rubbing against the slide so now it hurts when i stand up and i walk. Whole body also aching. Im aging. sigh.

neways i've been meeting so many people that i didn't expect to meet. Its really :O :O :O and people whom i really really hope that i can meet just won't appear. Maybe you call that fate. Well acctually i call that luck. argh i need biology pills.

oh btw try pressing crtl w.
dam coolio thing will happen!

2008-09-01T23:49:00.001+08:00

credits: Justin!

uhmmm happy teachers' day to all the teachers that have taught me in a way or another!! Mathematically or Scientifically, Historically or Geographically, Directly or indirectly and last but not the very least vertically or horizontally!! ok that was lame. My point is, happy teachers day.

It is good to go back to primary school and meet teachers. I excluded classmates because most people that returned are from mss and none from those who went other school. Its acctually pretty sad. But anyway, teachers are so coolio! Its good to reminisce about the past. I know they are very pleased to see ex students coming back. Well acctually the very least thing every teacher expect from every student is gratitude.

which brings me to my point of i dont like people who see such special days as 'just like any other day' and talk about if you really love your teachers you should love them everyday and not just the day of celebration itself. Well i do agree but its just like.. birthdays... Its just.. a special day for different people lah. Imagine if you were so excited about ur birthday when you were very young and your parents whipped a phrase of ''so what its just like any other day its just that you were born on this day ___ years ago i dont see any point in celebrating such moments and not even to talk about present''. Imagine how you would feel. Its really sad to have people with such mentality. But nevermind, people who don't have gratitude no matter how successful you are deep down you are nothing. Cos you don't thank people who had helped you.

and im really sad that i have amazing neighbours. While i was watching tv yesterday i got a shocked out of my butt when i somehow seen something dropped down from the side of my eyes. I turned immediately and saw a toilet roll flying down. I walk towards my window and looked up. The 19th storey kitchen window was open, and just 1 seconds i saw a lady coming to the window and looked down, probably thinking that she was the olympic champion of the javelin and was looking at how far she threw. Then after a few seconds she turned and look and my block, hoping that no one had seen how amazing her javelin skills is. But unfortunately she saw me and she was staring at me. I got really flared up and stared her back and i nearly wanted to shout at her. She was just very near. about 3m away only. After 15 or so seconds of looking how handsome i was and during the process her expression was kind of changing into fear she walked in probably praying that no one will knock on her door realising that she have a $5ooo fine for littering. I really hate people who know that they are wrong but still put up actions that they are right. The whole family of theirs have been irritating me. They twist their clothes dry in mid air allowing the water to drop down 19th storey and even yesterday, i saw the washing machine pipe that channel dirty water hanging in mid air letting water drip.Its not that it affects me but its really very inconsiderate consider the fact that downstairs there are people hanging their close to dry. Such people should be condemmed and burn in hell. They will get their retribution. They will.

anyway today was not productive. argh. Next week is killer prelim week. bio geog on a day, phy history on another day. can dieeeeeeeeeee.

sarcasm is so fun.

2008-08-24T22:16:00.002+08:00

piang eh the olympics closing ceremony was spectecular. I think i wasted too much time on olympics this whole august but to think of it, it was well spent time because i get to see all the mental strength each and every athletics have. Im very amazed by diving, baseball, tennis, badminton, table tennis, cycling, track and field events and of course gymnastics. All the time when i guiltily switch on to channel 601-606 knowing that i should be dating my books, it never fail to impress me and i was :O all the way. Usain bolt is amazing. China divers are impressive. really.

So the olympics ended, and prelims starts next tuesday. and.... i didn't study much this weekend... which is.... very worrying. I hope that i fullfill my promise of not switching on comp till maybe sept 11 and see how many kind souls wish something.

till then.. good luck to everyone starting their prelim next week and those who are having... and those whose prelim are over and waiting for result... have fun.

yeh don't blame destiny.

2008-08-20T21:31:00.001+08:00

today is 20/08/2008.
2008 2008.

whoa.
chem ain't reacting with my brain :(

2008-08-16T21:45:00.004+08:00

some people are just selfish.
you might be joking but that is not a way to treat your friend.
you will fall,
one fine day.

then you try to salvage,
but im sorry,
you are too late.

2008-08-11T19:53:00.005+08:00

4e1'o8.

[click to enlarge]

credits: justin!

1. Prelim VS kj in 15 DAYS!!!

2. O LEVEL VS KJ IN 69 DAYS OMG

3. ENGLISH OH LEVEL ORAL TMR!!! OMG AHH

4. wasted my whole day playing tennis and pool today.

5. I was in form for serving. DAM SHIOK.

6. toss the ball high up, bend my knee, lean back, use all my might and swing my racket. A loud thud, the ball went down the line across net. ITS AN ACE. OMG SHIOK MAN.

7. Got to prepare history presentation for tmr.

8. Overdue assignment not handed in yet.

9. didn't do any maths assignment this weekend.

10. I wasted my whole weekend practically.

11. why do i have unfriendly neighbours. sigh -.-

12. I realise that i know too little things

13. I came into my senses and i firmly believe that good marks = study. Never study get good marks is bull shit. The shit from the bull. take that assholes.

14. I don't backstab people. People do it on me, but i dont mind. One day they will get stab by their own pen.

15. I have a long list of to-do-list after O's. Im really really really eggcited about it.

i) swim weekly/ jog 2 times a week.

ii) master tennis

iii) master pool

iv) master my sleep on my bed.

and some more which i dont think you should know :O

16. I need to sacrifice my sleep more often to study.

17. Its the final lap, im already 50m through the 400m. I started breathing deeply, started to feel the build up of latic acid on my legs. But i need to peservere. I need to. I need teh strength, i need the mental power. I need motivation, i need real true good friends to cheer on me. The expectation is too high. Im getting worried. But i know that there will always be someone who is silently supporting me and motivating me and hope that i get good results and stuff. I do believe.

18. Having said that, its easier to say than done.

19. so im on hiatus till sept 11 [ I HAVE PHY P1 AND A MATHS P1 ON MY BIRD DAY :( ]

20. Then hiatus the 2nd round till end of prelims, on 16/9.

21. During this period of time i will be mugging cupping and more mugging.

22. Spam teachers with question and doubts that have been hanging around for too long.

23. My legs are aching.

24. I am tired now.

25. I need to stop being lame.

26. LAST BUT NOT LEASE TMR CHEENA O's RESULT COMING OUT OMG dam scary.

27. will not use comp besides weekend. call me if theres anything up.

till then, seeya again folks. Oh remember to tag. Hits increasing unexpectly but no one is tagging. Acctually i know who is reading. yeh I know who.

2008-08-09T22:16:00.001+08:00

oh happy national day.
well acctually i planned nicely my task to do today but unfortunately because of the olympics i got distracted and ended up sticking my butt infront of the tv to watch the sporting action. Channel 1, 601,602,603,604, channel 5,U etc. Power pack. that ate up my whole afternoon. Well done kj. you are so screwed. But in the morning, went for tuition. Quite productive though. hawhaw.

yesterday 08/08/08 was rather fun. Celebrations in school and haha i was giving free hotdogs around. After everything ended, went for pool from 1.30 or so to 6pm omg that kicked some butt. 9 ball pool is fun. After that tuition from 6pm to 9.30pm. Can die, nearly died, but it was fun suaning teacher. Hehe it really makes the class more lively. Although sometimes i get suan back and got embarrassed in front of the whole class but all in all its fun though. Shoot here shoot there everyone laugh we had fun.

tomorrow exciting. Mugging session with 6i'04 peeps. all dam zai people but im... exceptional. haha hopefully can suck some knowledge out of them.

have a great long weekend folks! 70 or so days to O's and 2 more weeks to prelim!!! I... have not started my revision. Oral on tues, not prepared at all. History presentation at tuesday too.. and I forgot all my details i memorised last week -.-

Worry, worried.
very worrying.

2008-08-06T19:55:00.001+08:00

well deserved 1 hour nap.
shiok.

2008-08-05T22:19:00.000+08:00

omg after 4 years of maths olympiad this year i got a bronze and i was shockkkkkkkkkk hahahahahaha yeah man cool stuff. i think i got 11/40. beat that man! One question correct is equal to getting whole of maths paper 1 correct lor (oh yes i just remembered that i took part in pri sch before!)

anyway was quite surprised with my uncle fighting a case in court and is featured in the chinese papers today. Probably the news will be up tmr on straits time but sigh the whole idea is about greed. Why are humans greedy. Whats yours is yours. Whats mine is mine. Fool stop. When its yours, it will be yours. When it is not yours, dont try to get hold of what is not yours because at the end of the day you will not get what is not yours.

make teh right choice.
ftw.

okay nevermind i don't know what im driving at.
very tired :(

2008-08-04T23:18:00.000+08:00

This morning was --> :O
Mid Afternoon was --> -.- (insert any of your sian diao spastic face)
At night was --> :) :D :P :O (insert your facial expression when you get 6 points for O's).

that basically sums up my monday blueeessss
hahahah dam excited lah :D :D :D

history presentation tmr. Unfortunately my excitement wasn't refering to this.
okay time for some oral practice. 'breathe in... breathe out... you may begin!!!'

let your imagination run wild!!!!!!!

2008-08-03T22:11:00.000+08:00

im.... exhausted.

yeah pretty much productive this weekend. Did 2 sets of maths and 1 set of A maths papers.. (paper 1 and 2) which means i did 2 X 3 = 6 papers!!! but unfortunately i didnt touch any sciences. bad bad. Next week will be a chiong science week liao. i do need lots of help man.. and i mean ERRRR lot.

anyway im quite looking foward to upcoming friday. Youth and Racial Harmony CUM national day celebration. BEAT THAT MAN. Youth day + racial harmony day + national day celebrate together. Well thats due to some unforseen circumstances but argh... 3 supposely slacking day is converted into one!!!

well hahohe its pretty fun to catch up with old friends from primary school and tuition mates. Best is physics tuition when im with 3 6I'o4 (EM1 sio!) peeps. 2 hwaaaa chongggg and one anderson. And me... ( insert v-shaped eye-brown 1 line for each eye and a wide grin) hard to put into words. But its cool to catch up with people especially when you dont really talk to them last time but now ha click like a mouse. No i dont need a cat.

and omg there are alot things to look forward after Osssssssss
yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-07-31T20:57:00.003+08:00

whoa to think of it i have really neglected my chemistry textbook. It is clean and green. just like my blink!(reminds me of daren gay accent and pose). Back to my point, its really as good as new. It still have the 'new book smell' and not even my name has been scribbled in it. But hehe a few minutes ago i invaded my chemistry textbook and took away its virginity by highlighting some things and answered some common misconception question. I promise that from today onwards i will be with you every week, my dear chem tb. Anyway i found out from the tb that our washing powder contains enzmyes that reacts away protein/ blood stain etc which makes our t-shirt to be clean. wow i didn't know that.

chem test tomrrow. chem hw incomplete. chem night tonight. ah chem.

/edit (10.17pm)
forgot to mention that early in the morning i got owned by canberra maths competition followed immediately by physics test then later of the day kena wack by geog test. and im very worried about tmr chem test argh >:(

ie.

The number 2008! (factorial 2008) means the product of all their integers 1,2,3,4,...., 2007, 2008. With how many zeros does 2008! end? (8 marks)
----------

ok back to electrolysis.

2008-07-30T20:58:00.000+08:00

wa lao i study half hour of physics then infront of computer already.

2008-07-29T19:44:00.001+08:00

why am i wasting my time

2008-07-28T19:20:00.002+08:00

I FINALLY UNDERSTAND THE CONCEPT OF POTENTIAL DIVIDER!
OMG PHYSICS IS SO FUN HAHAHA.

2008-07-27T21:57:00.001+08:00

so many things so little time

so easy physics concepts so hard to apply

so many chem concepts so hard to memorise

so many thoughts so hard to express

next week is going to be a roller coaster week i guess, and its 4 weeks to prelim!!!! My birthday falls on A maths paper 1 and physics paper 1. The best present for myself is to ace both subject. A maths so far so good. Physics im currently on the right track but unfortunately in the wrong lane. Im trying to gear and manoevour myself to the correct lane but it really takes alot to achieve what i want. Sian 1/2.

The Heart of Greed. This is one of the best hong kong drama i've ever watch. Lots of lessons to be learn from. On the last episode i nearly shed my so uh manly tears but heh i manage to hold it back and swallow the wierd feeling down my throat.
But its good lah. I think i know why girls cry when they watch drama. I imagine myself in the situation of the plot and wow if such things happen to me i really will whatever but anyway good night and have a kickass week ahead.

now back to calculating how much force is needed to move my hand to write and how much power is needed to power up my brain through the night, using power = energy change over time where energy comes from FOOD. i just had durian btw. power pack.
physics.

2008-07-25T23:59:00.003+08:00

imagine if we were
more compromising towards each other;
more compassionate towards each other;
more kind towards each other;
more friendly towards each other;
more helpful towards each other;
more caring towards each other;
more loving towards each other;
more warm towards each other;

and less doubtful of each other.
what sort of person would you add up to?

------
it has been a cooling weeking. I love it. I love rain at night. I love the sound of the rain. Sometimes i hope to share my thoughts of certain things with someone but till now there isn't anyone whom i can trust.

hypocrites.

2008-07-23T22:37:00.000+08:00

i had my first routine since cheena oral. I can still remember i was venting my anger on the gay question so as a result i was more of sprinting rather than jogging. But anyway today was a good day. It all started with my alarming ringing at 7am and i thought i was dreaming because the colour of the sky is wierd. dam wierd. it look like the world is going to end. SO anyway err it was a good day because i reached school and rained. Good stuff. then lessons come and go and physics was funny man.

when you turn me on hahahahahahaha

anyway decided not to stay back in school to do hw because i was too tired. Reached home and played. shit. but i realise that its time for me to do something productive. yeah something. so i went for a jog. it was cool stuff luh. the wind blowing is so chilling but unfortunately today not much scenery to enjoy. but nevertheless i saw someone on the bus while jogging (OMG) but i dont think they saw me. sigh. love can be natured. I do believe this. bah ha ha.

then dinner at 6.30pm. After a solid plate of yummeh rice, i ate an apple at 8pm. Then i ate ice-cream at 8.45pm. Then i ate a bowl of conflake (COCO CRUNCH) at 9.30pm while watching beach ball babes. theres egg tarts in the kitchen so im going to attack it later. well i guess theses explains my recent increase of 3kg. Nah i believe theses are muscles. If you believe it, you will see it. Wouldn't it? yeah make the right choice.

i did realise that im not studying much. Im just trying to finish up my homework everyday. Geog test every thrus is becoming a chore but ah i know in the long run ( acctually 88 more days, so not that long) we will be the one benefitting from it. This weekend i promise myself, my hands and my toes that i will complete every single homework and next week onwards i will START revision. Come on baby 4 more weeks to prelim. wait, is it 3?

From today onwards im going to be more aware of my surrounding. just by being aware you get 1 million, you would want it isn't it?

i need the weekend.

2008-07-21T19:38:00.001+08:00

life is unpredictable.
dam scary.

omggggggggggg

2008-07-20T21:31:00.000+08:00

very produtive weekend. But it can be improved, way alot. Did lots of MYE of other school's A maths/maths this weekend. Power pack sia. tuition ask question, ask question, tuition. Had the best eng tuition yesterday. Suan eng tuition teacher is the best man. The best part is looking at his expression.. the speechless type.. whole class laugh, i laugh, teacher laugh.

i thought of a reflective subject to talk about but i guess its just the little things that makes up life while growing up.

im picking up speed now.. but there are still occasional road blocks which makes me detour. How? jump over it? kick it? blow it? or ignore it?

preferences
decisions.
choices.

which? why? and howwwww......
i dont want to regret..
really.
omg.

2008-07-19T13:30:00.001+08:00

must make full use of my weekend.

2008-07-18T22:34:00.002+08:00

whoa today did loads of a maths stuff. pretty productive. What an eventful day. It could end off better if i said something but sian lah why i dont have to courage to say. Why is it easier to say than done. Why is it not easier to do than say. why is it why and not why. Why? WHY?

why why tell me why.

i need to start to have my own timetable.
I need to get things organise.
I need to get things started.
But before that,
i need to start get my well deserved sleep.

shall spent my night physics-ing.

2008-07-17T22:12:00.002+08:00

gosh the ulcer on my jaw at my gum is killing me... i just ate orange and the citric acid was reacting on it and i was 'WHOOO HOOOO'.

had a great talk with my senior today. jc sounds so scary. jay see. .

acctually i get motivated by him haha.

2008-07-16T22:04:00.003+08:00

this is bad;
....
i mean.. very.

acctually right now the most irritating thing in my mind is that my stationery (e.g ruler, eraser) doesn't wanna cooperate with me. They are so bored of me using them till they wanna try something new by playing hide and seek with me. Unfortunately, i have no patience so i have to make a trip to popular to replace them. This is not the 5th time. This is the 28934792847289347 times.

R.I.P, my 20cm ruler.
irritating lah now i have to find something long hard and soild to draw a line.

2008-07-15T23:19:00.000+08:00

certain things are really a blessing in disguise but often being neglected.
like i said before, some people dread so much of going to whatever training when i myself is so eager but does not qualify.

life is unfair, wouldn't you agree?

2008-07-15T21:25:00.000+08:00

didn't expected LC to be coming from radio. cool stuff.

i was quite shocked with something. Didn't really expected that.

what a hypocrite.
we are all hypocrite.
stop denying this fact.

it really makes me wonder, seriously.

2008-07-14T22:56:00.004+08:00

i realise that i need to stay back in sch more often to do hw because i would get distracted just like what im doing now. today was shiok. completed 2 papers. ho he ha gonna start chem at 11.05pm not blunt but very sharp.

tuition is hell loads of funny man. I used to think factor formula is the worst forumla all time in trigo. But after hearing a hiliarous way to remember it from 2 girls i was literally laughing uncontrollably and they were like 'are you alright'. it was acctually quite embarrassing. its okay, im used to embarrassing myself already.

right now i can hear the sound majong tiles rubbing against each other upstairs. urgh irritating.

back to my point, time to focus.
solid stuff. :D

2008-07-13T23:25:00.000+08:00

why are opportunities called opportunities? and not qwertyyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnm

why is it that everytime i have a great chance i wouldn't seize it! Either i missed it or it is too spontaneous and sudden. sigh why is life unfair. sian. if i did then... if i... if... ya life is filled of if's.

argh argh why why why!!! please give me one more opportunity. I would make full use of it and ________. hehe ok nvm.

---------
its the 3rd week of term 3 and im still kind of procrastinating. bad bad very bad. Tomorrow marks the 4th and official start of chiong homework + real mugging week. I have lots of stuff to catch up. cheena LC on tues. AHHH (note to self: dig my ear).

unexpected readers, seriously.

2008-07-10T23:33:00.001+08:00

i wasted my whole day playing
shit.

2008-07-09T22:12:00.001+08:00

sian 1/2

why so many xanga i previously read now locked their blog arghhhhhhhh i want to read anonymously!!

2008-07-09T20:16:00.000+08:00

nice stack of overdued homework i have.

i've got to stop burning midnight oil,
because oil prices are rising..

save the cheerleader. save teh world!
scary scary.
------

oh yes today's racial harmony discussion was hell loads of funny shit. We came out of food to sell in relation to sick stuff. Gosh. Sausages, meatballs, mayonease, SEAWEED(OMG). HAHA cool stuff. kinda inside joke if you dont get it.
------

Homework did a critical damage to kaijun.
soo pokemon.
those were the days.

2008-07-08T22:11:00.001+08:00

today is a bad day.
i screwed my chem skill 3 OA.

2008-07-06T23:16:00.001+08:00

what a bullshit management. No indication nothing. Its ok, we won mentally. So much for 'the battle of the wits'. Maybe it was right that we were at fault but they neglected the labels also right. basket.

I lost to a girl today, yes a girl, from china. sigh. but my team won but because of that bullshit management we lost. ok i dont expect anyone to get this anyway.

I took the chance to jack the poly students who are helping out. Dam funny. They gave me that 'oh im so sorry dude/who is this idiot little boy/huh?' look. and i just walked away. I bet a lot people unknowingly(is there such a word) broke the rule too.

nvm. thats life.
in any case i wasted 2 days on c. chess without studying but it was pretty good. Gained lots of experience and learn some sexy killing moves. ok now without distractions, its time to attack my pile of homework.

youth day holiday tomorrow means sleep! yay
but before that, tennis tmr morning. yay!

2008-07-05T11:49:00.000+08:00

played 4 win 1 lose 3.
im good.
just that they are much better.

waited for a taxi for 2 solid hours before deciding to call for it. The most pissed attempt to flag for a taxi. Who says theres no customers for them? so many empty taxis pretend not to see me and drive off, on call, or get flagged by people who went ahead of me. Theres this 2 girls who was just 5m infront of us who joined the wait for 15mins and the taxi picked them up. and when they went up the taxi they gave me that 'awww too badddd im sooo smarrttt look' and i pointed middle finger at them.

oops.

2008-07-03T22:20:00.000+08:00

today officially finished bio and pure geog syllabus and i have a pile of hw from the range of different subject. My weekend is sucked up by the c. chess sp open and my youth day holiday.. might go out or play tennis but i dont know we shall see. Choices! 'Its the choice that we make..'

im very drained this week. Tmr morning is lessons then afternoon chiong hardcore c.chess practice and night 2 tuition at a go.

hehe it has been fun disturbing people in msn. Some cracking sick jokes and go -.-''(wah lao didnt know you so sick) and some cracking lame joke and some just purely annoying them because of their wierd nicks or whatever haha so fun but im sorry just kidding. I brighten up your day, doesn't it? I know i do, thank you.

hahahaha

ok back to homework.
ahhhhhhh

2008-07-02T22:50:00.000+08:00

i drag too many stuff. not good not good. :(

yesterday night there were lots of mosquito feeding on my blood.
when i lay my hands on you i will squeeze you in the tissue paper like roti prata and toss you down 17th storey(oops) so that you can experience bungey (?) jump before you die. and hope that it rains so that you will get drown and somehow get washed down into the drain nearby and get eaten by fishes, being digested by them and excreted through their butt.

thats for sucking my blood.
ah homework

2008-07-01T22:51:00.000+08:00

sian 1/2.

still suffering the side effects of lack of sleep. today was kinda great cos of :D but unfortunately i couldn't bear to pangseh :O (yeah right) thats why i made the choice to :). But it was :P lah haha good people great environment perfect stuff.

my eyes are feeling wierd. Now i realise that take 9 sub is madness. When exams are near 7 full solid powderful syllabus is waiting for you(excluding languages of course). And.. thats alot. I think im starting to read. Kind of influence by people around me and other ppl's blog talking about books that they have just read and how awesome the plot is bla bla. Today i finally pick up a book and read for a few pages. I read word for word, in my mind, picturing all teh description and putting puzzles into patches of imaginery pictures that is depicting in my mind. Cool stuff. I can still remember when i was in primary 3, it was afternoon session and there were reading period at the start of the day in the hall. I could never read finish the jack and the bean stalk book. Ok wait, i should say that i never even read at all! And even i did read i didn't understand what it was because i was just pretending to read. Sometimes when i read I literally read the words but didn't know what it mean. To think of it i was wierd. haha then remembering all the prefects screaming and shouting away asking people to stop talking and when dm come here comes the rubber band in mrs nah/ mr tay hands then shoot it in your palm. I remember i was late for assembly after recess and i got shoot by the rubberband in my hands by mr tay for the very first time. It hurt. haha those were the days man.

time for sleep.

2008-06-30T21:24:00.002+08:00

today i battled with my eyelids to stay wide open throughout the day and attempted to keep my brain functioning. gosssh lack of sleep is not a child's play. Slept at 5am today after a 1-0 defeat by spain. Spain is not good, they are just smart. Germans are a litte... not wise.. i saw them attacking only on the left wing. what about the right dudes?!?! and spain is constantly attacking from left and right and they made sexy passes which was incredible. But i must say that germany keeper Lehhman really saved awesome shots from spain. Torres run like a mad dog. He's fast man. I can't cope pictures from uefa official website! eeyer

neways i have a long day ahead tomorrow.
time to get things started.

!!!
its coming

2008-06-29T22:25:00.003+08:00

i experience the effect of global warming today.
it is frikkin warm man.

neways will be staying up to watch euro 2008 and why all the websites i go the poll would says that spain will win argh.

go germany.

hope that wont feel dead and rotten in school tmr and it ends at 4.30pm! AHHH

gg man kj.
eggg-citing!!!

2008-06-28T23:55:00.000+08:00

the best thing about weekends are SLEEP. its.. so awesome.

i've come into realisation that attemping to switch on comp and study at the same time is not productive. I thought i could multi-task by switching on music and buffing/downloading stuff while studying even if i switch off my monitor screen. I can't concentrate with music. I need peace. I need food. I need help. I need.... okay nevermind.

I think i going for np poly experience on tourism.
1) meet new people
2) get to know how life in poly is and the coolio facilities
3) get to know what the course is really about

so maybe i might go to poly for tourism. It sounds very cool. and according to daren majority of the students are female. cool stuff. But it ain't a reliable source(oops) so got to get from a reliable source! Im acctually still thinking whether to go poly cos it sounds so fun with all the modules in place. But my parents are expecting me to go jc. I shall 'walk a step, count a step'.( sorry direct translation from chinese.)

should i ask for... email? paiseh leh.

pun

2008-06-26T18:00:00.001+08:00

21st minute turkey first goal : dam germany is losing. keeper kena oley.
25th minute: Schweinsteiger scored a sexy goal and my mouth was wide open. it looks like how i kicked my ball when i was in primary school. ok good i realise i didnt waste my time watching

oh yes in between reception kena cut off. dam piss off.. But the clock is still ticking... and suddenly score 2-1. WAH GOT EXCITED. but then after match got reapeat that last part so it was okay.

78th minute: WAH POWER HEADER BY KLOSE. steady germany win liao. can get ready to sleep liao.
86minute: EH TURKEY SCORED. WAH KAO.... confirm go in extra time... i was prepared to sleep at 5.30am.
89th minute: KAO LAH Lahm tears into the box from the left then dribble pass a few defender then BOOM GOAL... WAH GERMANY WIN LIAO CAN SLEEP LIAO HAHA YAY.
final score 3-2. Sms-ed daren for the score as requested and slept at 5.15am.

Went to school feeling lethargic but kept myself awake. Dismissed at 1.30pm and ready to kick some butt in the hall for some oral action. Went in, kept myself composed, quieten myself down and saw one person at a time going up to the examiner. Expected my turn to be at 3.30pm but it was delayed till 3.50pm before i went up. Hall getting colder and colder because there was getting lessser and lesser people and there were only around 8 person in the whole hall. 2 teachers, 1 being tested, 2 sitting waiting. im reading the passage, and 2 behind me. My plams getting wet. Next was my turn. I look at the examiner and caught her eye taking a glimpse of me. I kept smiling, hiding my nervousness and fear. It was my turn, she asked me to start reading. I started reading.. and my mind went blank and my lips wasn't coordinating with my brain. Words somehow couldn't come out. I literally read one word by one word for the first sentence. 'sorry sorry i repeat again'. Got on my momentum but had a few occasional pauses because of my nervousness. I finally completed. A big phew. Looked up and maintained eye contact on her(the examiner). She read out the conversation question and it was an very unexpected question. In my mind was 'ok shit all that sexy phrases i've recalled just now went down the drain'. Spoke in a shivery manner. My mind was running wild in the subsequent 3 seconds. She reapeated the qns and thought that i didnt understand the question. She asked me if i understood the qns. I said yes. I look at them... 'ermm.....' at the moment i saw both of them looking at me and anticipating somthing spectacluar from me. But i stumbled and started talking after a few 'err... erm...'. I saw their facial expression changed from a hopeful look to a not-another-boring-student-conversation look. Couldn't think much. was just saying what comes into my mind. My points were all around the place. The 2 teachers was starting into my eyes. I look into their eyes one by one and of course in between them.

i walk out of the hall... felt like crying. i swear.

i screwed up my oral for the very first time. I cannot believe that i acctually read one word by one word just.like.thhhisss.you.know.that.I.I.I rea-lllyyyyy. cannnnooott.be-beeeelive.it.

Germany won was a perfect start of the day but...
my oral...
means my chinese o's...
:(

'You might not do well if you have confidence, but you will not do well if you have no confidence.'

this was ringing in my mind as i was dragging my feet home, feeling dejected.
im going to punish myself.

im sorry but im not going to cut my wrist, obviously,
but im going to punish myself by studying like no life day and night.
My senior advised me not to go JC because it is dam stressful.
But what is life without challenges?

this is a final lap, and i fell down today.
As for now, i stand up from where i fell
and its time for a sprint.

good luck to all those who are having their oral in the subsequent days. After reading this i think you should realise that you should prepare for oral. Not like me, over-confidence, in the end im the one suffering. Stay calm, SMILE to the examiner, and maintain eye contact. If the questions comes out like opinions just like bao zhang bao dao.. just bootlick the examiner. and remember to use sexy phrases like 有钱虽然不是万能，但没钱却万万无能. ok that was random but it was ringing in my mind all along while waiting for my turn.

as for now, time for geography.

2008-06-25T22:27:00.000+08:00

my left eyes is feeling very sore and its a little swell now. urgh i dont want infection to take place again!!! basketball tennis ball soccer ball pingpong ball. i will not touch you anymore pls heal my eyes.

gosh i didn't even prepare for my oral. Im a little nervous.. seriously.. but i've learn a technique which im going to use it tomorrow. hehe. I scared i shiver and my words will go la-laoooo shhhhhiii wu-wu-wu aaaaannnnn!

okay nevermind. tonight germans vs turkey. hope my hp alarm dont fail me. Obviously i will sleep first then wake up then sleep again right. If i sleep at 4am i will die during oral tomorrow. I will get drainneedd. oh yes and i went to school twice today. How fun. Got home to take thermometer. no not fun.

germany lose, im not going to watch soccer ever again. Not that i watch premier leagues anyway. haha i watch once in 4 years. For world cup and euro. hehe im pathetic i know. I only heard of the team chealsea, everton etc when i was sec 2. Please laugh. please. thanks.

2008-06-24T23:05:00.000+08:00

COMMITMENT(s).

2008-06-23T23:08:00.000+08:00

o's chinese oral on thurs.
that was a little too fast.
yeah a little

Germany vs turkey at 2.45am on thursday morning. I think im going to watch. But my sleep will be ah, so not perfect. Felt guilty over not completing my holiday homework(whopps).

mundane.
ah.

2008-06-22T21:39:00.000+08:00

came across this vid from somewhere and realised that life isn't as easy as what we thought we might be. 台上一分中，台下十年功。 isn't it? Be it a model or whatever. Why do we have the tendency to stay away from people who are 'different'? There are many definitions of being 'different'. Think about it. 俗语说得好‘十年树木，百年树人'。a little no link but AH chinese proverbs i memorise for o's is flowing through my mind now. Oral is coming right! must impress the examiners by attacking them with proverbs.

quite hilarious to hop into blogs and read their descriptions on the dreaded new school term. Their funny discriptions and somewhat ownage english prowness really makes me feel that i should read the books that they say they are currently reading. Okay maybe not now. I don't even have time to study. Ok wait, its more of i didn't study. Sigh, why can't the earth rotate slightly slower and let us have a longer day but shorter year.

today i went to my usual salon to have my hair cut and out of a not so sudden 3 young girls dress lian-ly barged into the salon. They seem to know the hairdresser that was cutting my hair and they were engaged in a conversation which made me giggle. The way they spoke made me have ghostbumps(right spelling?). They might have gave me that 'errr?' look but i didn't manage to see cause they were standing at a angle where the light didnt reflect to the mirror into my eyes and of course, from the side of my eyes i could see them but i wasnt wearing specs so yeah must have malu myself. The hairdresser then whispered to me seomthing and to think of it now, i don't know is it a compliment or an insult. but haha whatever lah whats more important is dont screw my hair up.

my 假期 was kind of awesome where i get to eat supper before sleeping and waking up late in the morning. and there were events which makes me more lively haha ok whatever but yeah good stuff. Music + food + maths = power man. ok i need to spend more time on my sciences and learn why alkane is said to be saturated hydrocarbon and why alkene is not a saturated hydrocarbon.. (the double bond thingy) and all the addition, bromination, hydrogenation, procrastination. Tuition:' old syllabus got this gate that gate what gate..... 'BILL GATES' hahahaha

teckseng had a 假(jia3)期. very cold sia.

oh theres 120 more days to my chem p2.
my hits is screwed again. unreliable. urgh..

2008-06-20T10:51:00.001+08:00

Germany 3 - portugal 2.

YAY.

http://www.livesoccertv.com/Portugal-vs-Germany-soccer-29595.php

2008-06-19T23:52:00.002+08:00

walao procrastination.
anyway yay germans go germany i know you can beat portugal.

im eating, alot. too much.

2008-06-17T22:57:00.000+08:00

this is what i call ill mannered and a disgrace to society.

this video is in response to the video above. Although it is very very vulgar but it is real champion funny. hahaha but at the end of the day.. what i want to achieve from these video is.... that i want to speak as fluent as them and as fast as them. hehe.

but lifes like that.

------
neways haw haw this 2 days have been pretty productive. completed 70% of homework already. I summited all my online assignment but just as i want to do the last assignment i saw an instruction indicating that we are suppose to write the answers on paper and hand in.. but i spent most of my time trying to type my ans in the box and summited online. uhmm i think i gonna redo when sch starts. sigh.

walao why you lock your xanga!! cannot read already :(